What to Say When Someone Loses Their Mother: Helpful Words and Support Tips
Losing a mother—or any maternal figure—can be devastating. When someone you know is grieving this kind of loss, you may struggle to find the right words or wonder how to support them without saying the wrong thing.
It’s normal to feel unsure. The truth is, no words can erase their grief.
But your presence and care can make all the difference.
As a Grief Counselor, I often get asked: What can I say when someone loses someone significant to them? What should I avoid saying? How can I show up in a way that truly helps?
This guide is here to help. Whether you’re supporting a close friend, colleague, or someone in your wider community, here are some tips and examples to keep in mind.
1. Start with acknowledgment and simple words of care.
When someone loses their mother, the most important first step is to acknowledge it—out loud. Don’t ignore it or assume they’ll bring it up if they want to. A simple expression of care can open the door to connection and comfort.
You don’t need poetic or perfect words. Here are a few you can genuinely say:
Things to Say:
“I was so sad to hear your mother died, I’m here for you. How’s your heart today?”
“I know how much you loved your mom. I’m holding you in my heart.”
“I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I’m here.”
“Your mom meant so much to so many. I hope you feel surrounded by love.”
“Please know I’m thinking of you and your family right now.
“What was her name?”
2. What not to say
In trying to ease the pain, people sometimes say things that can unintentionally hurt or invalidate grief. Here are some phrases to avoid:
“At least she lived a long life.” Even a long life doesn’t make the loss less painful.
“She’s in a better place.” Many grieving people are not ready for spiritual reframing. Let them lead those conversations if they choose to.
“Everything happens for a reason.” This can feel dismissive of the real depth of loss.
“Stay strong.” Grievers need permission to feel—not to perform strength.
“Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” This is too open ended and vague and makes it hard for the grieving person to take you up on your well-intended offer.
If you’re unsure what to say, it’s always okay to simply say: “I don’t know what to say, but I care about you and I’m here.”
3. Offer practical and ongoing support
After the initial outpouring of condolences, many people fade away, but grief persists. One of the most helpful things you can do is stay in touch and offer tangible support over time.
Ways to offer support:
Set calendar reminders for significant dates: their mother’s birthday, death anniversary, or Mother’s Day. A simple “thinking of you today” message can mean the world.
Offer to bring meals or groceries—not just in the first week, but a month later when the loss is still heavy.
Make specific offers—”Which day is best for me to come over and walk your dog?” “I made you this playlist.” “Would you prefer text check ins or phone calls next week?”- helps them know specifically what you’re available to give and ideally, take you up on it.
Invite them to talk about their mom and share memories, if and when they’re ready.
Understand if they need to withdraw or say no to social invitations—grief has its own timeline.
4. When you don’t know the person well
If you’re wanting to reach out to someone you don’t know very well (a coworker, acquaintance, neighbor), keep it simple and kind.
A short note or message can go a long way:
“I was so sorry to hear about your mother’s passing. Thinking of you and wishing you peace.”
“Sending you strength and comfort in this difficult time.”
Final Thoughts
Grieving the loss of a mother or mother figure is one of life’s deepest emotional wounds. Your role isn’t to fix it—but to walk beside the person and remind them they are not alone.
With genuine words, consistent support, and compassionate presence, you can help carry some of the weight of their grief.
If you or someone you know is seeking more resources or a space to process grief, my name is Randi and I offer individual & family support, grief circles, and guided programs for those navigating losses like this.
You can visit my website to learn more.
With love,
Randi Hall
Grief Support Specialist and LMFT