What to do when you’re mad — and how to avoid taking it out on others
There’s just a lot to be mad at right now.
When you're personally let down by something, like: when an injury ends up holding you back in some way. When there's conflict or betrayal in a close relationship. When someone you love was harmed, because of someone else's carelessness.
Or when the system lets you down, like: When your grocery bills go up and you can’t afford the life you need. When childcare costs more than what you’re making, so you can’t contribute to society in the way you want to. When healthcare is out of reach. When you’re witnessing wars unfold.
It feels like in every direction, there’s something to be mad at. Scared of. Or just helpless in the face of.
And finding healthy ways to lean into that, MATTERS.
I know that if I can blow off steam -- for just a moment -- I will have more capacity to come back to life and keep on keeping on.
Below I’ll explain why spending time with your anger matters – the only way to get rid of anger is to really FEEL it.
I’ll give practical steps you can use to move from constant rage and resentment into a place where you actually have more capacity and space for other feelings.
Why you should let yourself be angry (and what happens if you don’t)
Anger is an emotion you might feel, but pay attention: what’s underneath it?
Do you feel devastation, helplessness, fear…?
Anger is usually a signal: a bright, loud indicator that something is wrong and needs attention. When we treat anger as a problem to be erased, we bury what it’s trying to tell us — and the worst part is, that anger doesn’t go away. It just swells and becomes bigger, and preoccupies us,
Maybe you’ve noticed that you’ve been in a terrible mood. Or that you’re snapping at your loved ones.
All of that might be because you’re ANGRY.
So instead of trying to stifle that emotion, it’s time to lean into it. But lean into it in a safe and healthy way (that doesn’t impact your loved ones).
Practical steps: what to do when you’re mad all the time
Here are actionable ways to spend time with anger so it serves you, rather than rules you.
1. Name it and make space for it
When you notice constant anger, say it out loud to yourself: “I feel furious.” Naming gives the feeling a container and gives you power over the feeling. Don’t add moral judgment — just notice.
2. Give yourself a physical outlet
Anger lives in the body. Movement helps: sprint, punch a pillow, scream underwater, or in your car, smash responsibly in a supervised space, or do a fast, loud set of shadow-boxing. (Yes, smashing things can feel cathartic!)
When you let the pressure out, it actually turns into relief and there's space inside yourself for other things.
3. Set boundaries and practice exits
You don’t have to tolerate situations that add to the pressure. Step outside, excuse yourself, mute triggering social media accounts, or leave a gathering. Protecting your nervous system is self-care.
4. Use ritual and structure
Create a short ritual that lets you move through rage: 5 minutes of yelling into a pillow, a quick walk with deliberate stomps, or writing a furious letter you don’t send. Ritual signals to your brain that it’s permitted to release.
After you’ve safely released anger, try a short grounding practice: 5 deep breaths and name three small things you can see/feel. This isn’t forced positivity — it’s making space for perspective.
What processing anger actually does for you (yes, even if it feels “negative”)
It prevents resentment from calcifying into constant bitterness.
It clears space in your nervous system so you can access vulnerability and tenderness. You can’t open your heart and get to the mushy parts of yourself if you’re living in fear, defense, or survival.
It gives you back capacity. After release, you often feel lighter and more able to engage with the world (including the frustrating parts) without being consumed by them.
It lowers the chance that anger turns into harmful behaviors. When rage has a healthy exit, it doesn’t have to become violence.
If you want a contained place to try this work
We’re creating spaces to practice healthy anger so it doesn’t become harm.
On Saturday November 15, I am hosting Righteous Rage: A Trip to the Rage Room.
If you’re furious but feel helpless — “What the fuck can I even do?” — this kind of container lets you use anger and let it out. Smash things. Break sh*t.