What Pride Month Asks of Us: On Presence, Power, and Support
June is a month of celebration—and also, for many, a month of deep emotional complexity.
Pride Month is a powerful commemoration of identity, freedom, and resilience.
For LGBTQ+ individuals and communities, it is a time to honor the generations who fought for visibility, rights, and survival—and for many, it’s also a time of deep reflection, fear, exhaustion, and grief.
For those who are not part of the LGBTQIA+ community, Pride Month is not just a time to celebrate others. It’s also a time to listen—and take thoughtful, sustained action.
So I want to begin by sharing what I’ve heard directly from queer individuals in my community about what true allyship looks like:
What Queer Folks Wish You Knew About Support
“My impulse is to encourage people to be supportive in the same ways they would for any non-identity issue, but then I realized people often lack the skills to be supportive generally! So, some general tips on being validating are maybe in order.
It's imperative for an ally to set aside any anxiety that may be present about how they will be seen / 'getting it right' / feeling as though they need some kind of special manual.
Humanity and warmth are always gonna be the actual most important things.”
—“I think it's about paying attention to queer culture without taking it over. Like looking around and seeing how queers are represented in the world and seeing what tropes come up that are homophobic, or ways in which we have a different cultural norm that should be celebrated.
I think that this is especially political right now. So understanding that queer people who are in deep relationships with trans people (and trans people themselves) are experiencing a level of hostility, violence and oppression that is extremely terrifying at the moment. Notice systemic harm and the ways that our institutions are specifically hostile to us.
And the solutions to that are more than like 'you guys should get married'—it's actually about a deep investigation into the way the norms of our society are embedded and dependent on misogyny, homophobia, and transphobia.
This is a place where allies need to actually use their voices and notice how the freedom of sexual and gender expression have often been the targets of patriarchal oppression.”
—
“Remember that everyone takes things at their own speed. Make sure to check in with people about what information they feel comfortable sharing with others, and don’t out people without their permission. They may not be ready to share beyond close trusted friends.
Social transition is often a process that can take years as people establish safety for themselves and work through what they feel capable of at any given moment. If someone shares an identity with you that they are not always out about with others, assume that they trust you and are taking their time.
Make sure you honor their autonomy in determining what they are ready for.”
—
“Ally for me is an uncomfortable term that maintains an othering and separation of queer people’s liberation from everyone’s liberation. I really like this talk by Dr. Bettina Love and think that moving away from “allyship” and towards seeing that all of our liberation is bound is the best way to show up. To see that queer liberation isn’t just for queer and trans folks but that all of our freedom as a human race is dependent on expanding our understanding of gender, race, class, sexuality, and the whole range of humanity outside of systems of oppression.
So I guess to me the best ways to show up is to show up for yourself, and to deeply question where your sense of gender, sexuality, and overall identity comes from, to listen to how others experience these identities with curiosity and continue fighting for a world where these are all self-determined processes for everyone.
Also educating yourself on the lineages of trans and queer struggle in this country and beyond so that queer people don’t have to do that for you, and then seeing how your struggle is tied to this and genuinely showing up for all of us getting free!
Committing to raising your kids differently and encouraging gender journeying for yourself and your beloveds.”
How to Be a Present, Non-Performative Ally
As a grief coach and therapist, I often hear versions of the same question:
How can white, cisgender, straight, or able-bodied people show up with compassion and awareness for queer loved ones—especially during Pride Month?
Here’s what I want you to know: Support is not one-size-fits-all.
It is as personal and unique as each individual within the LGBTQ+ community.
That said, you can’t go wrong with presence and acknowledgement.
Try saying something like:
“Hey, I know it’s Pride Month—curious if there’s a way I could support or celebrate you?”
“What’s on your heart as Pride approaches this year?”
“Is there anything meaningful to your community during this time that I could learn more about or support?”
And remember: showing up doesn’t always mean showing up to something. It also means showing up in the ways people may never see:
Doing your own work
Examining your biases
Consuming content by queer creators
Shopping at LGBTQIA+-owned businesses
Calling in your loved ones when harmful language or jokes go unchecked
And let this month be a reminder that support without centering is one of the most powerful forms of love.